All’s Fair: The Gazorpazorpian Dystopia Disguised as Feminist Propaganda

We’re all waiting for episode 4. Great job, Kim, you got us hooked. This November, the famous Kim Kardashian released her TV show, All’s Fair, featuring names such as Sarah Paulson, Glenn Close, Niecy Nash and Naomi Watts. A carefully cast cocktail to be sipped by every taste-thirsty woman. By the way, adding Sarah Paulson to a show like this is the equivalent of spiking a woman’s drink - I’ll probably give in to whatever they want by the end of it when I’d normally be sick at the sight of it.

For those who haven’t had the heart to submit themselves to this brainwash yet, All’s Fair is a high-gloss legal drama about a powerhouse team of female divorce attorneys who leave a male-dominated firm to open their own practice in Los Angeles. At least if you ask ChatGPT. I personally never felt ashamed of my sex, but this parody of femininity and womanhood made me wish I was born a rock instead.

Not even five minutes into the show, the hero, Allura (Kim), presents us her house, and we right away get hit with the first idea the world has been trying to hammer extra hard into our heads since post-COVID: the more rooms you walk through to get to your shower, the more successful you are as a woman. Let’s just build very long-corridor houses and make sure we reach our 10k steps a day just by walking through the Birkin and car collection every time we need to take a shit. From the valet to the chef, each NPC-like interaction Allura has is just meant to make you feel like this is what it feels like to be the boss of your office. But… this isn’t the office, this is home - remember? People who actually work at that level do not want to go home and manage staff or feel like a CEO; they just want to chill.

Which gets me to another aspect of this show: work. From what we’ve been shown so far, the office is the place where you dress up real pretty every day to meet the girls and eat fancy food. In this Gazorpazorpian dystopia where men are no longer part of our world, is the office our substitute for dating and just the new word for social life?

If, by the way, you’ve never watched Rick and Morty, Gazorpazorp - introduced in Season 1, Episode 7, “Raising Gazorpazorp” - is basically a planet where the battle of the sexes went too far. The men live underground, violent and clueless, while the women run the surface - brilliant, bossy, and completely in control. They talk a big game about equality, but the whole place runs on manipulation, strict hierarchy, and baby factories disguised as empowerment.

So let me sum up the two main points of this whole propaganda so far.

First point: Men are a bad investment, and if they are not bad they are gay. So in all cases they are just not for you.

I’m not going to over-analyze it for you. I’ll just repeat what I’ve been told watching the premiere. If you get a man, he’ll leave you when you finally succeed because men just come with fragile egos (Chase). If the ego part isn’t scary to you… what about being cheated on? (Chase) Still not enough? Okay, let’s subtly remind you that if you misbehave, a man will take away everything you have and kick you into the street (Sheila Baskin). If the man is perfect, well… he’s still just a man and will die before you and leave you by yourself. (Dina) Still a few ladies that feel like committing? We have something even scarier than that. Your man could be Reggie. (Liberty) And if boredom isn’t the nail in the coffin, guess what will be? Your man is probably just a bit gay (Allura + Grace Henry). All men are gay. During this whole premiere, men are completely emasculated through this repetitive, uncomfortable message that… all men secretly just want an🧚l. I’ll let you sit on this one.

One of this show’s purposes genuinely is to drive us away from men. In three episodes, the 70s-porn/Telenovela-toned script managed to cover almost all of women’s deepest insecurities about commitment to men. I literally have learned absolutely nothing about the legal world so far. What’s an injunction?

This is what All’s Fair said instead: women will really get out of bed every morning as long as you offer them very thin slices of various vegetables for lunch, but it needs to specifically come in crescent shape, and please do not forget all the negative space on the plate. It’s important for our general well-being. And when it comes to work, I mean, do you know what’s the common point between Kim K, Sarah Paulson, Naomi Watts, Niecy Nash and I? We all have absolutely zero office/workplace experience. Where are all the laptops? When do we write an email? It is absolutely crazy that we are being sold this aspirational dream of women’s success, with the most basic tools needed in an ACTUAL office in 2025 almost completely absent from the picture.

Instead, let’s just feed off our negative space and raw veggies, while telling each other our favourite cases as girl lawyers. Yay. Our first office scene, featuring Allura (Kim), Liberty (Naomi) and Emerald (Niecy), takes place in a very somber, dark femme meeting room (the current aesthetic of the “mysterious and successful woman,” according to TikTok). So much seriousness for women who seem like they just miss slumber parties. But at this moment of the episode, it’s more than that. Fans of Rick and Morty know what is happening. We are being fully targeted by Story Lord. In Never Ricking Morty Season 4, Episode 6, Rick and Morty are on a mysterious “Story Train,” a literal narrative device traveling through a metafictional dimension. They encounter a cast of strange passengers reliving fragments of their past adventures - some real, some fabricated - as they realize they’re trapped inside an anthology of stories designed to entertain an unseen audience. In our case, designed to entertain our Gazorpazorpian propaganda.

And while we are being taken for a spin from one cringe feminist ChatGPT-suggested law case to another (I mean, I hope AI came up with this, because why are we making feminism so cringe?), we finally get hit by our second point of this propaganda: Emerald letting us know casually she had a sperm donor to conceive. Here it is. This is what women need to be ready for. No - this is what women must want, must see as success, practical, natural, basically their new ✨ goal ✨. In a world where a woman craves being applauded, mostly as a response to being so constantly publicly shamed, let’s weaponize it for higher purposes. Let’s grow a sense of pride out of being a single conceiving mother as the new boss lady, and this is how we’ll get to Gazorpazorp. With a lot of finger-applauding 🤏🏻, the new trendy and effective way to masturbate a girl’s ego.

From this point, this is the descent into indoctrination. I felt very unimpressed and kind of offended at the effort they spent thinking “what do women like,” and instead of making a show out of it, they made it a cheesy military-style, royalty-free soundtrack advertisement. Got me wondering if the writers just hired some zoom-therapists thinking that it would do the job. Episode 2 of All’s Fair, we get to finally meet Emerald’s triplets. Three puppies. In a very uncanny way. Uncanny like “we know you moms go crazy for your lil boys, here is the ultimate pack to make sure you will not choose to just not conceive in a girl world.” And before you have the time to process anything, guess what? Story Lord hits us again. Each boy around the table proceeds to tell their favorite moment about mommy. When they ended it with a little song, I thought: I am either smoking too much right now or just not enough at all. And by episode 3, it’s Allura’s turn to convert us into Gazorpazorp girlies. Let’s just get IVF-ed, so it’s completely explicit what we need you to do, and let’s just normalize using a man’s sperm (Chase) without feeling like we owe him anything. Men are just here for semen, and offspring are ours to turn into puppies until they reach full maturity.

So far, so brainwashed. Only three episodes in and being an attorney is just a pretty way to tell all women, you will spend your day greeting other women with “I’m here if you need to talk.” And to finish, if the show All’s Fair was your bestie, she’d be a toxic one. Here are four of the show’s biggest RED FLAGS:

1) it’s your toxic enabler: “whatever makes you feel good do it” (Emerald to the girls, discussing procedures and cosmetics). No girl. It shouldn’t be the message. All of these women look more and more swollen every year living this way. If this whole cosmetic procedure culture is so healthy, why are we guilt-soothing ourselves like junkies about it? This show is really about telling you what you wanna hear in such an obvious, Disney-villain way, we should just all know better than to fall for that kind of talk. “Get mad” (Dina). “When do we do revenge” (Liberty). Our main female characters keep on giving nonsensical cliché advice while trying to keep you in a state of hating men and being angry, which feels so forced. Let’s be real: if All’s Fair really is about that kind of female empowerment, you don’t choose stoic Kim K to get mad or, worse, Naomi to “do revenge.” Except in a parody.

2) it spoonfeeds you brain rot: In episode 2, the narrative-device-gone-mad theme continues, from Allura’s long detailed list of cosmetic procedures, to Liberty’s cringe menopause advertising, to Emerald selling us the Gazorpazorpian dream, ordering men for services as a single woman, while having your orgasm within reach in your drawer (a reminder for all the ladies who would hesitate about the idea of no longer having sex - there is a toy made for each one of you). All’s Fair is that toxic girlfriend who constantly makes you feel like you really need to do that next trendy thing you’ve been seeing everywhere in the name of loving yourself. She’ll turn lip fillers into an act of women’s liberation. It’s cute until it’s taken too far. And then remember what the show teaches us - if “whatever makes you feel good do it” (Emerald) doesn’t work, you can always turn it into “It’s all because of the male gaze that it looks bad” (Lee-Ann’s story).

3) Faux feminist: The show seems to expect us to buy their fabricated dollhouse of woman-empowerment, a world where women just play pretend to be men at work. Judging by our three lawyers' wardrobes, I guess the message is that women need to wear a suit to have credit? The amount of suits worn in three episodes is ridiculous - I felt more empowered watching Emily in Paris, owning her extravagant feminine outfit at the office (where she actually almost worked). So no thanks, not for me. This peer pressure to dress like men to earn credit as a woman is pathetic, and just adds a layer to this whole Gazorpazorpian narrative where women need to envision themselves claiming back men’s status as their own. For a show leaning so heavily on being woman-centered, it couldn’t be more male-gaze influenced. Same with all the cursing. What’s with all the vulgarity? I get it, cursing is a male thing and we are f*cking claiming it back as women. Please. Can we stop (badly) playing the other sex at work and start acting our own in a non-cringe way? Like Emerald said, “Girl, you’re doing too much.” You really are. And do not get me started on Liberty’s proposal to Reggie in episode 2. It feels almost like a ritualistic moment in this show - this need to put women in parodic male positions.

4) Hyper-independent: If you don’t buy my sci-fi propaganda accusations, it’s fine - let’s keep it to a more basic level then. This show promotes an unhealthy over-autonomous behavior for women. Work for yourself. Fine (I’m more of a universal female basic-income type of feminist gal myself, but fine). Satisfy yourself with your own collection of sextoys. (With an extra reminder from Chase’s affair that sex with a man involves a risk of STI to add to the cons list of a real penis). And most importantly, BREED yourself. You know that thing that used to take two people to do? Well girls, we don’t need men anymore and let’s spread that message loud. We’ll all get perfect, stable, beautiful triplet puppies out of it!

You know, I think if I wanted to slowly manipulate women into consenting to farming them, so that men can be farmed from them, a show like All’s Fair would be a perfect start. And like all good cattle, we are all so impatient to be fed episode 4. Moo.

Ginny Cambridge 

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